...

Obviously, this blog is intended for emotional stability, so that I could pour out all the angst and negative emotions that continuously run through my veins, which unfortunately I have to hide because the people around me may think I'm too messed up than I really am and feel less obliged to give me responsibilities. This here aids my emotional intelligence and in a way enables me to cope with all the pressures and disappointments of the harshness of reality. Then again, do you think this is healthy? I am just letting it all out, though this isn't really considered an outlet because I am still keeping it all to myself. My friends don't even know I have this blog!

It's already 10:25 pm and I'm still at work. There are so many stories to tell.

I will find the time.

Unhappy

I'VE BEEN CRYING CONSECUTIVELY FOR THE PAST FEW NIGHTS. IT'S THE KIND OF CRYING, WHICH DOESN'T REQUIRE ANY EFFORT AT ALL...THE TEARS JUST SOME-WHAT STREAM DOWN MY FACE. ALTHOUGH THEY'RE CONTROLLABLE, I JUST LET THEM TRICKLE DOWN MY CHEEKS.

FUNNY HOW I FEEL SO ALONE, AS IF I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS...

THEY DON'T KNOW THAT I'M ABOUT READY TO GIVE UP AT THIS POINT.

THEY DON'T KNOW THAT BEHIND EVERY SMILE I GIVE OUT IS THE DESIRE TO END THIS LIFE.

I LONG FOR PEACE...SIX FEET UNDER THE GROUND, WHERE I DON'T HAVE TO FACE ANOTHER DAY OF SUPERFICIALITY.

I'M SO TIRED FROM IT ALL, AND I'M AT THAT CROSSROAD WHEREIN I'M HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT THE OFFER OF THE DARK FORCES.

THE WEAKNESS IS OVERPOWERING ME, WITH NO ONE TO CATCH ME FROM IT ALL...

Shit Happens

I am just so f*cked up...

It's one of those days when I need someone to tell me that everything's going to be alright, one who'd spare a quick hug to take all the weariness away...but alas, there is no one.

I'm tired of having to smile each day, pretending that my life is going smoothly...without people realizing just how heavy the burden is. All they see when they look at me is the smile tattooed on my face, but they don't look into my eyes, which convey the entire meaning of my listless being. If only I could tell them how difficult it has been, but I couldn't. What right have I to complain about the world being so unfair and unjust? What right have I to cry for going through such emotional turmoil when all around me so much suffering has been happening, far more worse than what I'm dealing with...I don't have any right at all...

But, the devil inside me is shouting for freedom from the chains that has been tied around me.
I long for death, that peace and tranquility that can never be given by my reality.
I long to spread my wings far in the heavens...

Oh God, how long must I wait?
Until when should I learn?
How many lessons must I need to get before I attain the purpose of my existence?

I am so tired...so messed up...