Shit Happens

I am just so f*cked up...

It's one of those days when I need someone to tell me that everything's going to be alright, one who'd spare a quick hug to take all the weariness away...but alas, there is no one.

I'm tired of having to smile each day, pretending that my life is going smoothly...without people realizing just how heavy the burden is. All they see when they look at me is the smile tattooed on my face, but they don't look into my eyes, which convey the entire meaning of my listless being. If only I could tell them how difficult it has been, but I couldn't. What right have I to complain about the world being so unfair and unjust? What right have I to cry for going through such emotional turmoil when all around me so much suffering has been happening, far more worse than what I'm dealing with...I don't have any right at all...

But, the devil inside me is shouting for freedom from the chains that has been tied around me.
I long for death, that peace and tranquility that can never be given by my reality.
I long to spread my wings far in the heavens...

Oh God, how long must I wait?
Until when should I learn?
How many lessons must I need to get before I attain the purpose of my existence?

I am so tired...so messed up...